Grrrrr.

So many frustrations today.

My man is seeking work, again. I can't help but feel the pressure of our financial responsibilities closing in on me. I can only hope he finds work quickly and try to be patient so as not to strain our already delicate relationship.

Nextly, the route I drive to work everyday is completely bogged down by construction and it takes me much longer to get to work--which means getting up earlier and I am NOT a morning person. I've tried alternate routes but they seem to be even slower.

Which brings me to gas prices, currently $2.16 for unleaded where I am. I know that maybe be minimal compared to elsewhere, but it's enough to put a dent in my wallet and limit my extracurricular travel during the week. I heard on the radio that if you can manage to get everyone--or almost everyone to not buy gas for one full day it would cause a 30 cent reduction in gas prices. C'mon people--let's organize a gas out!

Lastly, this brain dead moron at work offers me some form of sugar every single day (I swear). Yesterday cookies, the day before cake, and today donuts. I tell her everyday, no thank you, please don't offer me your "drugs", I'm anti-sugar right now. It's like she doesn't even hear me.
Why are so people always so eager to sabotage the efforts of another?

*sigh*

ok, there. I got that out of me. With all that being said, I do still have good reason to be happy. I got an awesome new walkman last month and I swear you can shake that thing like a tambourine and it never skips and even the cheapest, off brand,dollar store batteries last forever in it. Also, some of my favorites bands/singers have new albums out or forthcoming: Bjork, Queens of the Stone Age, and Daft Punk. Those 3 alone will be enough to my stress packing.

Just for the record

I would never, ever, want to be kept alive by any artificial means.

Remember the episode of the twilight zone when the guy gets in a car wreck (or something)--his eyes are open, he can see, but he can't move or speak. I think he eventually gets buried, all the while screaming in his head "I'm not dead."

Though I can't know for sure, I can only imagine that that's what it would be like if you lived your life on a respirator or a feeding tube.

Quitter

The name Jaribu means "One who tries"(Swahili). I'm sure my mother gave me this moniker hoping that it would ring true in my life.

I'm sorry to say it hasn't. I'm a notorious quitter. I won't bother to list the many projects, hobbies, life goals, etc that I've started and stopped all because things became to difficult or inconvenient for me.

My current boyfriend is the only person who has, thus far, openly pointed this out to me. I couldn't do anything but agree with him.

Wonder why no one else has? Not even my mother or my brother.

I haven't always been a quitter at everything. I've managed to achieve some success in school, work, and my life in general.

I do stop to think that these successes could have been greater with a little more perseverance.

But how does one quit quitting?

Amazing what a little bass can do

Last weekend me and and my dude got a 5-disc CD changer and two tower speakers to go with our A/V receiver.

This has brought on a sudden change in him. He has begun to demonstrate the power of BASS.

Previously he has been a die-hard, hardcore, metal head. Slipknot, Mudvayne, Soulfly--all unknown to me until we met. The louder the better. The more screaming, hatred, and anger expressed, the better.

I can't say that his music is my cup of tea, but some of it has grown on me--like a fungus.

And until now, he has has shown no love for the jazz-influenced, sample-saavy, hip-hop beats that I love so well. I thought all hope was lost.

Then we get this new stereo set up and the first CD he plays is Trick Daddy-Thug Holiday.
I'm thinking--WTF???

Mind you, this kind of hip-hop is not for me, but apparently he has kept his love hidden from me all this time. I'm not sure why, maybe he wanted to avoid any misconception that he's tryna "act black". Which would be weird since my current music choices could lead to me being labled as "acting white".

So anyway, over the course of the weekend he digs deeper into his CD collection bringing out Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dogg, he even nabs a Nappy Roots CD out of my collection which I had long since put away (one hit wonders if you ask me). Slowly but surely all the discs in the changer change from metal to rap. Gangsta rap at that.

He now has what I can only call soul power. It's shown me a new side. A side I'm very glad to see. It's a nice break from all the "hate music".

We both smile and bob our heads along to the bass heavy beats.

I do wish he would develop a taste for my hip-hop i.e, De la Soul, Tribe called Quest, Black Star, etc., but he was born in 1981, so I understand why it remains unknown to him.

Who knew gansta rap would bring us closer.

My best friends

I have had many. I guess that means I'm not very good at keeping them.

My very first best friend was a boy named Arthur, we were thick as thieves until he kissed me, then I beat him up and never talked to him again. We were five.

My next best friend was Leigh. She was cool. She was just as rebellious, and outcast as me so we bonded right away. Then she started liking boys, experimenting with drugs, and moved to Georgia. I was afraid of the direction she was going in so I stopped talking to her. We were 12.

After that I was pretty much a loner. I hung out with my brother and his friends (when my brother let me), other than that I kept to myself, usually in my room with my nose stuck in a book. I hung out with a sister of my brother's friend for a while in high school, but she got pregnant and dropped out our senior year. Needless to say we didn't have much in common since i was going to college and she was having a baby. We drifted apart.

I went to college and after a crazy freshman year I met "The Crew". Sauda, Tina, Chuck and Keino. I swore that these would be my homies fo' life. That didn't happen, Chuck moved to ATl and forgot about me. Sauda and Keino had a baby thus disintegrating their relationship and drawing a line down the middle of the crew. For a while I stood on Sauda's side. Tina decied that she was a lesbian and moved to ATL too. I tired, hard, to keep in touch with all of them but my efforts were in vain. I'd be hard pressed to tell you where any of them are now.

Then there was Derek. My longest lasting, bestest, best friend. Losing him was entirely my fault. He moved to Florida and when he did I made no effort to keep in touch. I knew it hurt him--it hurt me too. But stupid me figured it was better than having to say goodbye.

So here I am, no best friend, scared to find another. Fear is a bitch.

Wondering where my formers are now. I love you all and wish you peace.

My boyfriend has had the same best friend since the 2nd grade. I envy their bond.

If I've learned one thing from all of this it's to be a better friend and to never let go so easily.