Remember the guy from my previous post 'Hello Inspiration'? Well, we've spent the last two years becoming really good friends, and I was just about to blog and gush over our potential future love when I got punched in the stomach by his late night phone call.
His ex girlfriend got her annual check-up and found out that she has HPV. HPV that she apparently got from him because "he was the only one". I have no reason to doubt her honesty and he doesn't either, so...it's true.
Hearing the news was like being slapped. The only thing I could say was, "Whoa."
He feels guilty and confused. Understandable. HPV in men is a tad tricky. There is no FDA approved test so guys can have it, not have any symptoms, spread it to their partners, and then just get over it, without ever really knowing that anything has happened. I must say though, it caused me to raise an eyebrow at his sexual practices--no condom? Then again, HPV can spread from skin to skin contact with or without a condom so...
I mean seriously, just when I was starting to hope for more than a friendship with this guy...
I shouldn't be surprised. This is the way my luck has been with men for the past 3 years. I would join a convent, but I'm fairly sure they would take issue with my liberal use of profanity and my disbelief in god.
*sigh*
So now he's worried that I won't want to be his friend anymore. I told him I wouldn't be a friend at all if I bailed on him now. I left out the fact that my sexual fantasies about him have been positively dashed against the rocks of HPV.
Who knows where this goes from here? I sure as hell don't.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Misadventures in Cincinnati
Well, I guess it was like a month ago now. Doesn't matter.
Me, Crystal, Brandon ,and Daniel went to Cincy for a party. Along the way we stopped to pick up this kid who's really Brandon's friend..er, acquaintance...but we've all hung out with him--Jeremy.
We get to Cincy, we party, stay up late, blah, blah, blah. We meet up with one of our friends, Rhiannon, who says she got a hotel room not far from the party and says we can all come back and crash for while if we don't wanna drive straight home. We're all tired so it sounds cool, and we go.
We end up in the hotel--Rhiannon, her boyfriend Mark, Brandon, Daniel, Me, Crystal and Jeremy. We shoot the shit for a bit. Then everyone starts to fall asleep.
There's one bed in the room- Rhiannon and Mark take that, of course. There's a couch in the room that Jeremy and Crystal are sitting on, and Rhiannon mentions that it folds out into a small bed. So Crystal and Jeremy end up on that. I grab one of the couch cushions and cop a spot on the floor under the desk (more comfortable than it sounds). Brandon and Daniel are on the floor too.
Lights out. Every one's quiet.
I don't know how long I was asleep, but I slowly start to wake up because I keep hearing this noise in the back of my mind. I think maybe I'm dreaming so I open my eyes and listen...what's that creaking sound? I realize that it's the hideaway bed that Jeremy and Crystal are on. So, in my naivete, I look up--with the intention of saying "Will you assholes be still?" And what do I see? Jeremy's naked back. Upon listening more closely, I hear Crystal panting faintly in a vain attempt to hide the fact that- THESE TWO ARE FUCKING!
I wish someone had been there to take my picture. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. A mix of "What?!", "Oh my god!" , "No they are not!", and "Ewww!" I mean, Crystal's like my baby sister so you can understand why I wouldn't want to be in same room while this is happening.
At this point, I have to pee. So I lay my head back down and try to find a happy place while they finish. They finish. I immediately get up to go the bathroom-stunned and appalled. While I'm in the bathroom Crystals knocks on the door. I let her in. Then I just start laughing. We discuss for a bit--She says his dick was small. She freaking a little about the fact that they didn't use a condom and she just stopped taking her birth control because she couldn't stop smoking, "I didn't wanna kill myself!", she says. I tried to reassure her and sympathize, but I was still a bit stunned by what I just experienced--I'm sure she was too.
We smoke a cigarette in the bathroom ( I figured she could surely use one) then go back into the room. At this point, I turn on one of lamps in the room to see if anyone else is awake, and yep, everyone is. Brandon has a look on his face that I can't even begin to describe (fucking hilarious). Soooo, I crawl over to where Brandon is and start giggling, then he starts giggling, then Daniel starts giggling. Jeremy and Crystal are silent. I mention that it's fucking cold in the room. Crystal throws a blanket on me and Brandon, "Here you guys can use this."
My reaction? "Eww, hell naw!"
Brandon says, "I'll have no part of your blanket of disrepute!!". At this point the we all start laughing hysterically and can't be stopped. Meanwhile,Crystal dies inside because she knows we KNOW. We teased her mercilessly all the way back to Indy.
Apparently, I slept through quite a bit (thank god!) and missed most of the foreplay and what not. Brandon said he knew what was going on when he heard the distinct 'suck/pop' of a cock leaving someones mouth. All I can think is--"Goddamn, she gave him head too??!!"
Now, just so Crystal doesn't come off like a complete slut I must say this--She used weigh about 350lbs, she had mad low self-esteem issues, she's 27 and hasn't had a boyfriend or sex for almost ten years. About 4 years ago she had gastric bypass surgery, and is just now getting to the point where she feels confident enough to talk to men. Jeremy is the first dude she's been with (in the biblical sense) in a grip.
Anyway, we get back to Indy and drop Jeremy off. He mumbles good-bye to Crystal. I notice that he doesn't offer his number or ask for hers. I silently hope Crystal noticed that too.
Other than our good-natured ribbing, Brandon and I really don't give Crystal any shit about what happened. I ask her if it was just a one-time thing, or was she trying to have something more serious. Her answer changed about 5 times within the next week: first she says it was just a fling--to get her back on the horse if you will. Then, she's always liked Jeremy and always felt there was something between them. Then she's just looking for fuck buddy until something more serious comes along.
I can see that 'dick' has sent the girl for a loop. As I imagine it would anyone who'd had that long of dry spell. I try to help her think logically, "Well, if you wanna see what's up you should call him. Just be laid back so you don't come off desperate or clingy."
Meanwhile, Jeremy has made no attempt to contact Crystal. A clear enough message to me, but Crystal figures he's just "shy" like her.
So after about a week and a half of Crystal obsessing and Jeremy not calling, she understands that it was a one-night stand. I really think she expected more.
I feel a little bad for Crystal. This whole thing was so 'high school', and this isn't the first time that Crystal's done something so...immature. On more than one occasion she's had make out sessions with some random dude at the club, then can't look him in the eye the next weekend.
But Crystal didn't have the same dating experience that most of us have had in high school and college. So now, at 27, she's learning about relationships and men the hard way. The same way most of us did, only earlier in life.
It's weird to have a friend going through such things at this age, but experience is the best teacher. I'll be there for her no matter what.
Me, Crystal, Brandon ,and Daniel went to Cincy for a party. Along the way we stopped to pick up this kid who's really Brandon's friend..er, acquaintance...but we've all hung out with him--Jeremy.
We get to Cincy, we party, stay up late, blah, blah, blah. We meet up with one of our friends, Rhiannon, who says she got a hotel room not far from the party and says we can all come back and crash for while if we don't wanna drive straight home. We're all tired so it sounds cool, and we go.
We end up in the hotel--Rhiannon, her boyfriend Mark, Brandon, Daniel, Me, Crystal and Jeremy. We shoot the shit for a bit. Then everyone starts to fall asleep.
There's one bed in the room- Rhiannon and Mark take that, of course. There's a couch in the room that Jeremy and Crystal are sitting on, and Rhiannon mentions that it folds out into a small bed. So Crystal and Jeremy end up on that. I grab one of the couch cushions and cop a spot on the floor under the desk (more comfortable than it sounds). Brandon and Daniel are on the floor too.
Lights out. Every one's quiet.
I don't know how long I was asleep, but I slowly start to wake up because I keep hearing this noise in the back of my mind. I think maybe I'm dreaming so I open my eyes and listen...what's that creaking sound? I realize that it's the hideaway bed that Jeremy and Crystal are on. So, in my naivete, I look up--with the intention of saying "Will you assholes be still?" And what do I see? Jeremy's naked back. Upon listening more closely, I hear Crystal panting faintly in a vain attempt to hide the fact that- THESE TWO ARE FUCKING!
I wish someone had been there to take my picture. I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. A mix of "What?!", "Oh my god!" , "No they are not!", and "Ewww!" I mean, Crystal's like my baby sister so you can understand why I wouldn't want to be in same room while this is happening.
At this point, I have to pee. So I lay my head back down and try to find a happy place while they finish. They finish. I immediately get up to go the bathroom-stunned and appalled. While I'm in the bathroom Crystals knocks on the door. I let her in. Then I just start laughing. We discuss for a bit--She says his dick was small. She freaking a little about the fact that they didn't use a condom and she just stopped taking her birth control because she couldn't stop smoking, "I didn't wanna kill myself!", she says. I tried to reassure her and sympathize, but I was still a bit stunned by what I just experienced--I'm sure she was too.
We smoke a cigarette in the bathroom ( I figured she could surely use one) then go back into the room. At this point, I turn on one of lamps in the room to see if anyone else is awake, and yep, everyone is. Brandon has a look on his face that I can't even begin to describe (fucking hilarious). Soooo, I crawl over to where Brandon is and start giggling, then he starts giggling, then Daniel starts giggling. Jeremy and Crystal are silent. I mention that it's fucking cold in the room. Crystal throws a blanket on me and Brandon, "Here you guys can use this."
My reaction? "Eww, hell naw!"
Brandon says, "I'll have no part of your blanket of disrepute!!". At this point the we all start laughing hysterically and can't be stopped. Meanwhile,Crystal dies inside because she knows we KNOW. We teased her mercilessly all the way back to Indy.
Apparently, I slept through quite a bit (thank god!) and missed most of the foreplay and what not. Brandon said he knew what was going on when he heard the distinct 'suck/pop' of a cock leaving someones mouth. All I can think is--"Goddamn, she gave him head too??!!"
Now, just so Crystal doesn't come off like a complete slut I must say this--She used weigh about 350lbs, she had mad low self-esteem issues, she's 27 and hasn't had a boyfriend or sex for almost ten years. About 4 years ago she had gastric bypass surgery, and is just now getting to the point where she feels confident enough to talk to men. Jeremy is the first dude she's been with (in the biblical sense) in a grip.
Anyway, we get back to Indy and drop Jeremy off. He mumbles good-bye to Crystal. I notice that he doesn't offer his number or ask for hers. I silently hope Crystal noticed that too.
Other than our good-natured ribbing, Brandon and I really don't give Crystal any shit about what happened. I ask her if it was just a one-time thing, or was she trying to have something more serious. Her answer changed about 5 times within the next week: first she says it was just a fling--to get her back on the horse if you will. Then, she's always liked Jeremy and always felt there was something between them. Then she's just looking for fuck buddy until something more serious comes along.
I can see that 'dick' has sent the girl for a loop. As I imagine it would anyone who'd had that long of dry spell. I try to help her think logically, "Well, if you wanna see what's up you should call him. Just be laid back so you don't come off desperate or clingy."
Meanwhile, Jeremy has made no attempt to contact Crystal. A clear enough message to me, but Crystal figures he's just "shy" like her.
So after about a week and a half of Crystal obsessing and Jeremy not calling, she understands that it was a one-night stand. I really think she expected more.
I feel a little bad for Crystal. This whole thing was so 'high school', and this isn't the first time that Crystal's done something so...immature. On more than one occasion she's had make out sessions with some random dude at the club, then can't look him in the eye the next weekend.
But Crystal didn't have the same dating experience that most of us have had in high school and college. So now, at 27, she's learning about relationships and men the hard way. The same way most of us did, only earlier in life.
It's weird to have a friend going through such things at this age, but experience is the best teacher. I'll be there for her no matter what.
The Fraggle Story
Ok, so in order to understand the Fraggle story I have to tell you my middle name. But before I tell you my middle name you have to understand that I HATE my middle name, and in order to preserve our friendship you should refrain from calling me by it once you learn what it is.
Agreed? Ok.
My middle name is Jaribu. No, it is not pronounced like 'caribou'--nothing pisses me off more. The 'I' is pronounced like an 'E'. Jar-e-bu. Got it? It's Swahili, it means 'one who tries', and yes...my parents were black hippies.
So there's a character on Fraggle Rock named Boober. My mom thought it would be cute to call me Boober since my middle name ends in 'bu'. Of course there were several variations: Jaboober, Booberloober, etc. And it was cute. WHEN I WAS NINE.
But Moms loved the nick name, and it stuck with me through middle school and high school--which would have been fine if I hadn't started developing what would turn out to be really large breasts at the age of 12. Being called anything with the word 'boob' in it at a time when you have a rack you have no clue what do with...well, you get the picture.
Unfortunately, Moms developed quite a habit with the name, and would indiscriminately call me Boober in public, around family, or *clutch the pearls* when boys would call the house to talk to me. Imagine my chagrin.
Mom: "Boooober,telephone".
Me: "MOM!!!".
Me: "Hello?"
Him: "Boober, huh? *chuckle* Yeah I bet I know where that came from"
Me:"You have no idea." **dying inside***
So yeah, that's the story. Moms still calls me Boober too, but she's more careful about it now. I get birthday cards and stuff like that with 'Boober' on the envelope.
Agreed? Ok.
My middle name is Jaribu. No, it is not pronounced like 'caribou'--nothing pisses me off more. The 'I' is pronounced like an 'E'. Jar-e-bu. Got it? It's Swahili, it means 'one who tries', and yes...my parents were black hippies.
So there's a character on Fraggle Rock named Boober. My mom thought it would be cute to call me Boober since my middle name ends in 'bu'. Of course there were several variations: Jaboober, Booberloober, etc. And it was cute. WHEN I WAS NINE.
But Moms loved the nick name, and it stuck with me through middle school and high school--which would have been fine if I hadn't started developing what would turn out to be really large breasts at the age of 12. Being called anything with the word 'boob' in it at a time when you have a rack you have no clue what do with...well, you get the picture.
Unfortunately, Moms developed quite a habit with the name, and would indiscriminately call me Boober in public, around family, or *clutch the pearls* when boys would call the house to talk to me. Imagine my chagrin.
Mom: "Boooober,telephone".
Me: "MOM!!!".
Me: "Hello?"
Him: "Boober, huh? *chuckle* Yeah I bet I know where that came from"
Me:"You have no idea." **dying inside***
So yeah, that's the story. Moms still calls me Boober too, but she's more careful about it now. I get birthday cards and stuff like that with 'Boober' on the envelope.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
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