My best friends

I have had many. I guess that means I'm not very good at keeping them.

My very first best friend was a boy named Arthur, we were thick as thieves until he kissed me, then I beat him up and never talked to him again. We were five.

My next best friend was Leigh. She was cool. She was just as rebellious, and outcast as me so we bonded right away. Then she started liking boys, experimenting with drugs, and moved to Georgia. I was afraid of the direction she was going in so I stopped talking to her. We were 12.

After that I was pretty much a loner. I hung out with my brother and his friends (when my brother let me), other than that I kept to myself, usually in my room with my nose stuck in a book. I hung out with a sister of my brother's friend for a while in high school, but she got pregnant and dropped out our senior year. Needless to say we didn't have much in common since i was going to college and she was having a baby. We drifted apart.

I went to college and after a crazy freshman year I met "The Crew". Sauda, Tina, Chuck and Keino. I swore that these would be my homies fo' life. That didn't happen, Chuck moved to ATl and forgot about me. Sauda and Keino had a baby thus disintegrating their relationship and drawing a line down the middle of the crew. For a while I stood on Sauda's side. Tina decied that she was a lesbian and moved to ATL too. I tired, hard, to keep in touch with all of them but my efforts were in vain. I'd be hard pressed to tell you where any of them are now.

Then there was Derek. My longest lasting, bestest, best friend. Losing him was entirely my fault. He moved to Florida and when he did I made no effort to keep in touch. I knew it hurt him--it hurt me too. But stupid me figured it was better than having to say goodbye.

So here I am, no best friend, scared to find another. Fear is a bitch.

Wondering where my formers are now. I love you all and wish you peace.

My boyfriend has had the same best friend since the 2nd grade. I envy their bond.

If I've learned one thing from all of this it's to be a better friend and to never let go so easily.